Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
