70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize