If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
