it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
