Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
