Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
