I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
