My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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