I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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