My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
