Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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