my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You have to summon your inner elephant
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
