I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
