He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Four minutes until I can fart!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
