i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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