So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
