so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize