You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
