Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
