Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
