How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
