she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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