if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
