So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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