Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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