I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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