I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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