I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
