i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
