My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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