If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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