A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
