And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
