Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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