Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
