You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
