If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I love you. Go after that dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
