omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
