why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
