you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
