i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
