The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
