When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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