I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
