it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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