I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Help. Why am I so naked?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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