i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
