i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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