Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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