alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
