I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
