Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
