Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
