Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize