At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
