I need help removing her.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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