Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
