They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
