I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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