My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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