you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
