He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
