I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
