we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
