just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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