so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
