you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think your dad took our porno
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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