Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
