On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
