Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
