508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
