you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
