we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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