U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We need a shit load of segways right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
