My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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