U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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